Well well, this time I will be writing in English (again). Why not? English sounds much better than Indonesian to talk about your feeling and unpacked all the contents of your mind and soul. I am not taking Indonesian language as a derogatory but don't you feel Indonesian vocabulary are just too cheesy to use for this kind of purpose? All right then, let's get into the topic.
Okay, let me introduce myself. But since I think most of the readers know me pretty good so then I will introduce the case. I have been reading manga (Japanese comics) since I was three years old. Back then, most of manga I red was about daily life. And most of the main characters are students. Because of those manga I got the impression that every student in Japan, should try as hard as possible to enroll the Tokyo University. It inspires me a lot. If you could recognize the yellow-blue ginkgo leaves that I posted earlier is the Todai (Tokyo University) symbol. I tried my best to be accepted with all possibilities I could get, but fate said different than my opinion. Well, fate has never been wrong, every singe thing he said comes true. Actually I applied for todai after I got NTU and FK UI in my hand. Call me greedy or whatever, there is nothing wrong in chasing dream right? (Despite the un-chase-able dream) Maybe it is some lesson from Allah, that I have to understand the feeling of those who cannot reach their dream now (and I think the last statement just make me feel hypocritical because of some previous writing). And while I keep chasing my opportunity to study to Japan, UI still phoned me this morning. It makes me torn. Why do I keep chasing something which put no interest on me at all while someone still ask me for help? It might be just my imagination, but that is how life goes. And there is something worse. I kept dreaming (yes, dreaming while sleeping) that I am studying in Singapore and Japan in one night (an interrupted sleep, so the dream is actually not connected) or two days respectively. So then, what is the purpose of having those dream? Then I go into a conclusion that dreaming (literally or in any case) does not necessarily important. The more important thing is doing and being grateful about things in front of you. Quit dreaming, it sometimes helps but there are more things to be concerned about rather dan dreaming your dream.
Well the paragraph that I write above is just one reason which cause the title. Tonight, there is an event so-called prom night sman 8 2010. I was invited by the junior but I refused because I actually have no money to attend the prom night(and some other reason of course). I could ask my parents for money and they understand about how I want to meet my friends. Yeah, I could just meet friend whom I want to meet but the best thing about event is you might find some surprise that you would not expect at all. You could have some thought like this "Ah, how could I did not realize your existence at school back then" or "Wow, I have never thought I have friend like you". But, I actually feel bad to ask my parents 350 k rupiah just for a night where I have no value for even a cent. It costs a month of my school, and look what you get from going to school for a month, so many (or it might be just a geeky opinion from me). Furthermore, my mom said "up to you", in my family culture it is considered as something worse than "you can't". Anyway, the most important thing about this event, do I really needed there? A friend asked whether I am going to prom or not. As I mentioned before, am I valued there? I am okay paying more than that for graduation, firstly it is legally arranged by school, if 'something' happens the school will take any responsibility of the 'something'. And then, every single students valued there without exception. Even the worst student and the best student get the same medal. Back to the topic, even if I come will there be any significance? I don't think so, there must be caste that created in order to fulfill the need of a group of people. And if get into a more complicated problem, do you think you are needed by your friends? I personally don't think i am needed that much, unlike some of my friends who have a great need of each other. Next question, do you remember what is the last birthday present that you receive? I do. It was a sketch book and a writing board given by my friend when we were on the 8th grade. As birthday from parents, the last thing I remember was a personal computer bought in about 7 years ago. Any opinion? I hope not, let it just be a writing for my soul haha.
Finally we came in a conclusion. This writing was made about 12 hours. Quite long isn't it? It is written with my mood going up and down like an ocean wave. It is so weird as a writing. Oh, I forgot to mention about another thing which lead me to the title. Firstly about the monbusho, and about the other thing? I am not sure, but he said that I ain't a number one in everything. Good then, God bless him. So what am I doing here? Nothing but waiting for myself to be number one. Not in a mood of a revenge, but well.. I used the word well too many. See you later then, keep in touch!
p.s. : If the theme was Ancient Geek I would really reconsider myself to go (just some Italian Joke)
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