Confession: I Don't Know How to Adult

Let's admit it, I don't know how to adult. I am 21 with a nice full time job right now but well, I simply understand nothing about being an adult. Now I need to pay my own bills and worse is I can't skip my morning classes (you are a freaking university tutor duh). But yes, while I manage to survive pretty well I am not sure about living well. I haven't really developed a responsible adult habit, such as waking up in the morning and being fully functional. My room is also super messy, just like a teenager in his rebellious phase. To put it simply, I don't know what I am doing in life, just like you - probably.

I have a larger dream, much larger than what I am doing now. But you know, duties. That's probably about being an adult. My messy room, will also be always messy if I am not tidying things up. That's also part of being adult, probably. I never imagined what adult life would be when I was a kid, it's just now I wonder why "adult stuffs" are attributed that way. It's undermining the essence of being adult. So much now is about responsibility and not a mere of such "stuffs". So simply be responsible maybe?

Unusual

It's easy to make "positive" claims about ourselves. One of the most popular claim is the phrase "you are special". Admit it, sometimes you want to stand out from your crowd. You want to be acknowledged. You want to be different. But on the other hand you want to conform to society, which makes you normal with respect to others. Complicated creatures aren't we?

Since everyone is declaring that they are special in one and other way, let myself make my own claim (see, that's part of conforming to society). As football is the most popular sport in Indonesia, it is very common to see kids start playing football since they start elementary school. What about myself? I didn't play it until fourth grade, when they started airing Captain Tsubasa on local TV channel. What about my basketball career? Yes correct, I didn't play it until fifth grade when they started airing Slam Dunk on the same TV channel. So can you make a conclusion about myself? Ah, I forgot that people nowadays will be judged if they make judgement about other person.

Nostalgic but too much flying human.

Another Chapter Very Soon

Hi, it is 5 AM here and I am still awake. Yes, as I have told you before I am currently doing this freaking Final Year Project which deadline is tomorrow. Being awake at this time does not mean you are contemplating about something that matters in your life. You could be simply lost in your experiment not knowing what to do. Does it feel bad? Pretty bad, but can always be worse. So let us meet again until the next proper writing.

Cheers,

Arutaki

Recent Update

*Stil "busy" working with final year project*

With this face of course

I Need a Fancy Title for a Proper Post After a Long Hiatus, aaand It's Posted Anyway...

So yeah, it has been a couple of months after a "proper" post. The reason I am writing is because I am currently stressed of my Final Year Project (FYP). By ranting on the internet I hope I can oust my some of my stress away, thus a happier self.

So my FYP is about cancer modelling with some radiotherapy. I choose this topic because I am quite skeptical about the benefit of doing a proper physics project. Plus I always get nauseous whenever I dealt with some overly sophisticated physical concept that doesn't seem to be real for me. So here I am, doing some s**t which sounds like "curing cancer" and all.

Another background information, I was once accepted at one medical school in Indonesia yet I chose to study physics in NTU instead. The reason I chose physics? Because I was a naive kid who was obsessed with working at CERN without knowing the bloody path that I may need to go through. After reading some stuffs and not spending sufficient hours of studying quantum mechanics I decided that I won't be aiming for CERN anymore as a physicist (at least until now). So here I was, lost without internal motivation.

Now that I'm no longer that lost (or so I think), it feels like my FYP are taking some kind of revenge to me. Firstly, the topic is related to medical science. A subject where  need to rigorously read thick books and literature *BLAARGH*. Secondly, my supervisor requested that I need to add a simulation about radiation therapy. And guess what, it is basically branch of particle physics which is totally not my forte. It feels like I am being punched, a very strong one, right to my abdomen.

And by the time I write this paragraph I feel less stressed. Hey, it works! Wait, suddenly the thought of having deadlines come into my mind. Uh oh.

Gosh.

This picture pretty much sums it all.

It's Freaking February

Yes, even my blog is rather deserted these days...

And I should write something interesting.

Nuff said for today, I apologize for any inconvenience.

Further Journey

After several midnight of self insecurity (read: galau) of my future, I finally decided to apply for graduate school.

"YEEAAAY", probably I am as happy as this lady, not.

Now, does it solve my current problem of being super indecisive on my future? No, but suppose going to graduate school is God's will, then why not? I know this argument seems total foolish to atheists point of view but hey, I believe in God so your opinion does not matter.

Most likely it won't be physics. I actually enjoy studying physics, but undergraduate level is probably the most that I can stand. My utilitarian side is saying that the effort that I will be putting will not worth the impact that I could make. So I will just salute all the physicist who is still doing their best passionately from afar. It is funny that if you look at my older posts, you could see that I was an enthusiastic pretentious physics lover. You can even still see the trace from this blog's format and title.

So how is your day? Your week? Your month? Your year? Or even your life so far? I hope you can find what you really want to do as soon as possible since it will help you save plenty of time to be productive. Especially after reading this ultra motivated lady below:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1384298/Student-15-way-Harvard-accepted-13-universities.html

May your good deeds be accepted by God. Amen.