Recent Update

*Stil "busy" working with final year project*

With this face of course

I Need a Fancy Title for a Proper Post After a Long Hiatus, aaand It's Posted Anyway...

So yeah, it has been a couple of months after a "proper" post. The reason I am writing is because I am currently stressed of my Final Year Project (FYP). By ranting on the internet I hope I can oust my some of my stress away, thus a happier self.

So my FYP is about cancer modelling with some radiotherapy. I choose this topic because I am quite skeptical about the benefit of doing a proper physics project. Plus I always get nauseous whenever I dealt with some overly sophisticated physical concept that doesn't seem to be real for me. So here I am, doing some s**t which sounds like "curing cancer" and all.

Another background information, I was once accepted at one medical school in Indonesia yet I chose to study physics in NTU instead. The reason I chose physics? Because I was a naive kid who was obsessed with working at CERN without knowing the bloody path that I may need to go through. After reading some stuffs and not spending sufficient hours of studying quantum mechanics I decided that I won't be aiming for CERN anymore as a physicist (at least until now). So here I was, lost without internal motivation.

Now that I'm no longer that lost (or so I think), it feels like my FYP are taking some kind of revenge to me. Firstly, the topic is related to medical science. A subject where  need to rigorously read thick books and literature *BLAARGH*. Secondly, my supervisor requested that I need to add a simulation about radiation therapy. And guess what, it is basically branch of particle physics which is totally not my forte. It feels like I am being punched, a very strong one, right to my abdomen.

And by the time I write this paragraph I feel less stressed. Hey, it works! Wait, suddenly the thought of having deadlines come into my mind. Uh oh.

Gosh.

This picture pretty much sums it all.

It's Freaking February

Yes, even my blog is rather deserted these days...

And I should write something interesting.

Nuff said for today, I apologize for any inconvenience.

Further Journey

After several midnight of self insecurity (read: galau) of my future, I finally decided to apply for graduate school.

"YEEAAAY", probably I am as happy as this lady, not.

Now, does it solve my current problem of being super indecisive on my future? No, but suppose going to graduate school is God's will, then why not? I know this argument seems total foolish to atheists point of view but hey, I believe in God so your opinion does not matter.

Most likely it won't be physics. I actually enjoy studying physics, but undergraduate level is probably the most that I can stand. My utilitarian side is saying that the effort that I will be putting will not worth the impact that I could make. So I will just salute all the physicist who is still doing their best passionately from afar. It is funny that if you look at my older posts, you could see that I was an enthusiastic pretentious physics lover. You can even still see the trace from this blog's format and title.

So how is your day? Your week? Your month? Your year? Or even your life so far? I hope you can find what you really want to do as soon as possible since it will help you save plenty of time to be productive. Especially after reading this ultra motivated lady below:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1384298/Student-15-way-Harvard-accepted-13-universities.html

May your good deeds be accepted by God. Amen.

Achievement(s)

What is your greatest achievement? I think this is could be a very common interview question yet many of us find difficulties in answering this question. That could be because you have way too many achievements to the point that you have no idea which one should you choose as your greatest. It could also be the other way around, you think that you are a mediocre person to the point that you feel that you have no achievement at all. Or you might share the same confusion with me, you can't really classify which one is achievement and which one is not.

A couple of weeks ago, I decided to take some leap of faith to run for the president of Indonesian community in NTU (PINTU) and (not) very surprisingly I was elected as there was no other candidate. Everyone started to congratulate me but in an instant I felt that I didn't deserve all the applause. Why? Because I have not really achieved anything. The moment I started to work as the president, I realized that I have so many responsibilities, and hey, I shouldn't be "that" happy. But I am also glad, I finally became who I wanted to be. So is this achievement? Probably not yet. Unless I have finished my term with most of my member feeling grateful and learning something from PINTU. Just hope that it will turn well :)

I genuinely believe that this is an achievement.

Human After All

Unlike Chinese or Indian or even Filipinos that has fewer population, you don't really see Indonesian overseas. Therefore, majority of the world's population has not developed visual sensors to differentiate Indonesian from the others. Being said that, Indonesian looks very different from one another. Some looked somewhat "African" (they are Pacific Islander though, but not very distinctive to some people), some ethnic group resembles Chinese, the others look somewhat Arabs, and the majority looks just Malay (another term that I refuse to say, but let's say "Malay" to generalize the looks of people in the archipelago). Another thing is that, Malay don't have some obvious physical features. Again, unlike Chinese or Indian.

So being an overseas Indonesian, I have encountered different response about my look.

When I was in Japan, I asked a stranger girl in Todai with my crappy Japanese to take my picture (the momiji in Todai during autumn was very beautiful by the way) she then replied me with some unknown language. After she threw several sentences and responded by my confused look, she then told me "I thought you were Thai".

Another day in Singapore - arguably my second home (not so happy with it though) and where Malays are abundant, I was eating Tandoori chicken set. The store staff who is a middle aged Chinese lady suddenly asked me "How do you find the food here?". "Oh, it is really good", I replied. "By the way, are you Melayu or Filipino?", she asked again. "Oh, I am actually Indonesian", answered me. "Sama, saya juga", she added. That was unexpected.

Next is when I was in a mosque in China, waiting to break my fast. I was the only person there who did not understand Chinese but not the only non Chinese. And then someone asked me with arguably good English, "Where are you from? Are you Malaysian". At least his guest was not that wrong. In fact I might have been more surprised if he got it right in just one guess. Because again, there are virtually no Indonesian "Malay" overseas.

Do you notice the connection of those stories? They all guessed that I am a human being. Okay, we can narrow them down to human being from Southeast Asia. But what if I travel to somewhere further where the local's sensor is even worse? Such as in *insert any random country where the majority of its citizen is Caucasian who does not have that many interaction with Asian*. I feel very relieved that no one asked me some questions such as:

"Are you a hippopotamus?"

"Are you a cockroach or a shoe box?"

Phew, thank God. I am a human after all. And a human is not that different to other human to certain extent. So shall I experience world peace starting after I published this post? Nah, not in anytime soon.

No, I don't look like this.

Courtesy: Internet (YOU DON'T SAY)

La Final

Tomorrow I'll be back to Singapore (yeaay, actually not sure if yeaay) to start my very last academic year as an undergraduate in NTU, only if God permits but let's assume so. I can clearly remember my earlier post during highschool about how I really want to study at NTU.

And here I am,

I have been studying in NTU for three years.

But does my journey end here? (this sentence actually sounds cheesy and I will feel grossed with it two years from now)

I am no longer that chatty for my personal goal, because I don't have any very fixed plan in my head. It is very different than during my school days.

When I was in primary school, it was clear that I wanted to study at Labschool Junior High.

When I was in junior high, it was clear that I wanted to study at 8 Jakarta Senior High.

When I was in senior high, it was clear that I wanted to study at NTU.

Now what?