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So  the apartment that my family lives in is located in rather city central. We got it for a very affordable price for its proximity to basically anywhere in Central Jakarta. The secret? When we decided to move there, not all the units were individual apartment units. Some were the typical hotel for nightly rental. Despite having legit families living there, the hotel was popular as place to have one night stand affair and Middle Eastern tourists having 'contract marriage'. I lived there for about two years before I went to study overseas, but all rooms have basically transformed into normal apartment for families and long term tenant now. There are still Middle Eastern tourists, but they are much more family-oriented these days. Also I have never seen drunk taxi passenger arguing over fare while drunk whenever I go for dawn prayer anymore. It was a crazy place.

Perhaps I have been living in Noa Dogenzaka afterall.

Who was your favorite Naruto character?

So my younger self cried a lot. I can count at least once a day back in elementary school. The record was something like 5-6 times on a day if I am not mistaken. I stopped crying on daily basis in my middle school. So one day, two close friend of mine 'reported' me to the counselling room for being a crybaby and they wanted to see me change into the better person (how nice of them!). And voila, I stopped crying on daily basis. It did have a cost, because for some reason I thought those cynic-ass manga character are cool and I wanted to be like them. So the crying stopped, but I wish I were kinder to everyone.

Now I do cry, not once a day obviously.I heard it's healthy occasionally.

(Yeah, Shikamaru Nara was my favorite character)

On Deliberate Practice

"I may be weird but I am at least I am not boring", I said this to a group of friend in my excuse of doing weird stuffs. I am not confident enough to say that I *AM* interesting, but sure I have always been well opinionated in many things to justify that I *AM* not boring. But you know what is the problem? The things I think as my qualities are tacit. Whenever I consciously think about my opinion on some stuffs explicitly I couldn't conclude if I really have a strong opinion on that. It's completely different when I have a conversation naturally and spouting all my nonsense. Maybe just like everything, having good opinion requires practice.

As for 2019, I want to be better at managing my finances. Amen to that.

Ramadan Kareem

Hello blog, been almost a year.

I don't think I am an emotional person in real life. Of course I shed tears watching/reading some melodrama materials, but angry? Not so much.

Ramadan is beyond abstaining from food and drink. I wonder how I can grow personally this year.

Happy Ramadan!

アル

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Not trying to be poetic but I really don't know a good title to go with this short post.

It is somewhat comforting knowing that some people care about certain aspects of your life more than yourself. I was surprised to heard that there are people who thinks highly of me more than I, a rather prideful being, think about myself. Some other genuinely wished the best for me. Some friends want me to attend their wedding parties. There are also those who is always eager to meet me whenever I am in town. I don't consider myself as being needy, but I am glad that my presence brings a little goodness. I have yet to do thorough analysis on whether my overall presence has positive impacts to other though. Despite the world that constantly looks gloom, are these enough reason to enjoy living? I'd like to think it is.

Because the sky is always more beautiful in Japan

If I have to describe this year with one word, reflective would be the word so far. Not much thing happened, but I've been able to think and contemplate a lot. Which not in anyway less important. So what's next? Translating my thoughts into action I suppose. Not going to be easy, especially after the past not so simple 6 to 7 years. Of course there are plenty of things I could ask more, but right now I am grateful.

I really am.

Somewhat.

So my wish this year is to be granted a just mind accompanied with willpower.

And the sky looks like this these days:

Happy Golden Week.

Catatan (belum) Akhir Tahun

If you don't believe in anything, I don't understand why would you be worried about anything. Or maybe my initial assumption about a person who does not believe in anything was wrong. It takes as much belief to not belief in anything just like someone who believes in something. Probably.

Maybe I should stop writing the Gate 7 style.

Not Existential Enough

I just wonder why are some people not existential enough.

If a writing this short could be published in Blogspot, nothing can't be published.

Untuk Tidak Menjadi Om-om Media Sosial

It's been about a good six months since the last time I posted anything here. Let's admit that my dependencies on social media is pretty high. Not much different than you probably, but I spent a lot of time especially on Facebook. One of my colleague said that some times more than 10 years ago, he and his friends used blog a lot. For what purpose? Mostly updating their days. Now that I fulfill the same need pretty much on Facebook, and therefore I lost my incentives to write here. Furthermore, Facebook doesn't encourage proper writing; thing that blog does obviously better.

Here comes the problem: I absolutely don't want to be part of demographic group that I feel the most awkward with, which is the one I mention in this title (very roughly translated as Social Media Uncle). I hope the term alone is enough to describe what kind of niche they fill in society, because I am lacking any robust definition of them. My friend said that there is no need to worry as we were born in different era, making us very familiar on what kind of role should we act on the internet. Maybe he was right. But what if everyone just become 'uncool' as they age? Or what if what most teenagers think about their parents' generation is true? There we go, the existential question. Whether what I am concerned (such a first world concern) is a specific generation issue, which we are not part of, or if it is a perennial problem.

"The children now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise."

As said by Socrates.

(image courtesy of Encyclopedia Britannica)

Because We Want to Live Forever

I couldn't remember the detail, but once I was having a rather weird conversation. I lied about being only once in a rather weird conversation, but this one was slightly more interesting than the other weird conversations. The conversation goes by:

"Suppose sex does not feel good, will you ever have sex?"

Firstly, I can't validate the truth of the earlier part of the sentence. Probably further explanation about that is not needed. But let's assume that it's true (based on some extrapolation), will you?

I am no biologist, but I do read a little bit of general science. There is opinion (or validated theory?) saying that there is evolutionary reason to why (heterosexual) sex should feel good. They said that it's necessary to make sure that we reproduce. To make certain that our species exist. But what's the point of existing? Like seriously, it doesn't even matter if earth doesn't exist. Or even the whole universe in the first place. Unfortunately it just happens that everything exists and we need to make a sense of everything.

Are you afraid of death? If you ask me, I don't know. I think experiencing pain is not desirable, but death itself is umm... In my belief, death isn't seen as bad as like how death is portrayed by majority of popular media. Surely it can stop you from doing and having awesome things in life such as ice cream and chocolate cake. But it also stops you from doing and having terrible things, which could result in at least discomfort in the world or even worse in the hereafter.

Usually, people are afraid of things that they don't understand. Darkness? Checked. Seafloor? Checked. Death? Obviously! It is said that when we procreate, we pass on our genes. Not every single of them, but at least half in most occasions. So what happen when we have our offspring is that the offspring inherit part of us. Yes, as if we are still alive - partially. But that's not as bad as being completely vanished right? So maybe we have sex because we don't want to die? Very weird indeed.

This post can't get deeper than Mariana Trench at least.

Photo courtesy: National Geographic, I think.

I, Too, Still Update.

Hiya everyone,

About one year after I've graduated from one of the biggest ordeal in my life (yet). So has life been awesome? Not really. But not bad either. The further I go from that moment, the more I can see the bigger picture. Earth is not flat after all.

The past five years have been quite a journey. It works for me the way teenage years work for most people. Your identities and believes got crushed and must be rebuilt again. A phenomenon that I did not experience back when I was reading the subject in the counseling (BK bahasa Inggrisnya apaan sih lol) textbook. And the reason why I prefer to express identity and believe in plurals because they are clearly not singular. It can be who you associated yourselves with, what matters to you, your definition of success, or can be even simpler such as your favorite musician. The change, for some people, could encompass even bigger magnitude, gender and religion maybe?

It's true, one method to see fast changes on our personal selves would be moving out of our comfort zone. The changes is more apparent when you are younger usually, when you are still able to be molded. Now that you wish you can change to be the way you want, but it's not that easy to behave the way we want to behave; just like it's no longer easy to touch your toes without bending your legs (ouch). Many experiences have passed, and many more is still waiting. Surely there are regrets and satisfaction, but I think I have learnt how to be grateful.

It wasn't easy to console yourself with failure, but this past one year has helped me to do that. I realize that I don't have so much youth anymore and I need to get going. I wish I can look back at this article and say "You've done well Al!"

If you ever feel worthless, remember that there are people who still think that the earth is as flat as this pancake.

Courtesy image to National Pancake Week website.

New Year New Me Bullshit

Hi, happy new year!

I don't really celebrate new year, but I guess whenever I am happy I feel the urge to celebrate it. I mean, we are not always happy at every single moment right? But I have to admit that I just want to make excuses to eat more desserts.

Do you make new year resolution? I do. A very simple one. I really hope that I can at least iron clothes once a week. Sound like the dream of average Joe, but room free of mountain of clean shirts is something that everyone desires.

Speaking of average Joe, I think I have lived one now. Gone are the days when I have some cool dreams and ambitions. Which I am not very happy. People stop growing when they stop being challenged and I am avoiding those challenges. Some times I wish I were raised in a less secure environment (such as our parents generation) but then nah, not really.

But well, if anything I still feel grateful for everything. Functioning body (not excellent, but pretty good), caring family, reliable friends, nice job, what else can you ask?

I can always ask for at least one million money though...

Confession: I Don't Know How to Adult

Let's admit it, I don't know how to adult. I am 21 with a nice full time job right now but well, I simply understand nothing about being an adult. Now I need to pay my own bills and worse is I can't skip my morning classes (you are a freaking university tutor duh). But yes, while I manage to survive pretty well I am not sure about living well. I haven't really developed a responsible adult habit, such as waking up in the morning and being fully functional. My room is also super messy, just like a teenager in his rebellious phase. To put it simply, I don't know what I am doing in life, just like you - probably.

I have a larger dream, much larger than what I am doing now. But you know, duties. That's probably about being an adult. My messy room, will also be always messy if I am not tidying things up. That's also part of being adult, probably. I never imagined what adult life would be when I was a kid, it's just now I wonder why "adult stuffs" are attributed that way. It's undermining the essence of being adult. So much now is about responsibility and not a mere of such "stuffs". So simply be responsible maybe?

Unusual

It's easy to make "positive" claims about ourselves. One of the most popular claim is the phrase "you are special". Admit it, sometimes you want to stand out from your crowd. You want to be acknowledged. You want to be different. But on the other hand you want to conform to society, which makes you normal with respect to others. Complicated creatures aren't we?

Since everyone is declaring that they are special in one and other way, let myself make my own claim (see, that's part of conforming to society). As football is the most popular sport in Indonesia, it is very common to see kids start playing football since they start elementary school. What about myself? I didn't play it until fourth grade, when they started airing Captain Tsubasa on local TV channel. What about my basketball career? Yes correct, I didn't play it until fifth grade when they started airing Slam Dunk on the same TV channel. So can you make a conclusion about myself? Ah, I forgot that people nowadays will be judged if they make judgement about other person.

Nostalgic but too much flying human.

Another Chapter Very Soon

Hi, it is 5 AM here and I am still awake. Yes, as I have told you before I am currently doing this freaking Final Year Project which deadline is tomorrow. Being awake at this time does not mean you are contemplating about something that matters in your life. You could be simply lost in your experiment not knowing what to do. Does it feel bad? Pretty bad, but can always be worse. So let us meet again until the next proper writing.

Cheers,

Arutaki

Recent Update

*Stil "busy" working with final year project*

With this face of course

I Need a Fancy Title for a Proper Post After a Long Hiatus, aaand It's Posted Anyway...

So yeah, it has been a couple of months after a "proper" post. The reason I am writing is because I am currently stressed of my Final Year Project (FYP). By ranting on the internet I hope I can oust my some of my stress away, thus a happier self.

So my FYP is about cancer modelling with some radiotherapy. I choose this topic because I am quite skeptical about the benefit of doing a proper physics project. Plus I always get nauseous whenever I dealt with some overly sophisticated physical concept that doesn't seem to be real for me. So here I am, doing some s**t which sounds like "curing cancer" and all.

Another background information, I was once accepted at one medical school in Indonesia yet I chose to study physics in NTU instead. The reason I chose physics? Because I was a naive kid who was obsessed with working at CERN without knowing the bloody path that I may need to go through. After reading some stuffs and not spending sufficient hours of studying quantum mechanics I decided that I won't be aiming for CERN anymore as a physicist (at least until now). So here I was, lost without internal motivation.

Now that I'm no longer that lost (or so I think), it feels like my FYP are taking some kind of revenge to me. Firstly, the topic is related to medical science. A subject where  need to rigorously read thick books and literature *BLAARGH*. Secondly, my supervisor requested that I need to add a simulation about radiation therapy. And guess what, it is basically branch of particle physics which is totally not my forte. It feels like I am being punched, a very strong one, right to my abdomen.

And by the time I write this paragraph I feel less stressed. Hey, it works! Wait, suddenly the thought of having deadlines come into my mind. Uh oh.

Gosh.

This picture pretty much sums it all.

It's Freaking February

Yes, even my blog is rather deserted these days...

And I should write something interesting.

Nuff said for today, I apologize for any inconvenience.

Further Journey

After several midnight of self insecurity (read: galau) of my future, I finally decided to apply for graduate school.

"YEEAAAY", probably I am as happy as this lady, not.

Now, does it solve my current problem of being super indecisive on my future? No, but suppose going to graduate school is God's will, then why not? I know this argument seems total foolish to atheists point of view but hey, I believe in God so your opinion does not matter.

Most likely it won't be physics. I actually enjoy studying physics, but undergraduate level is probably the most that I can stand. My utilitarian side is saying that the effort that I will be putting will not worth the impact that I could make. So I will just salute all the physicist who is still doing their best passionately from afar. It is funny that if you look at my older posts, you could see that I was an enthusiastic pretentious physics lover. You can even still see the trace from this blog's format and title.

So how is your day? Your week? Your month? Your year? Or even your life so far? I hope you can find what you really want to do as soon as possible since it will help you save plenty of time to be productive. Especially after reading this ultra motivated lady below:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1384298/Student-15-way-Harvard-accepted-13-universities.html

May your good deeds be accepted by God. Amen.

Achievement(s)

What is your greatest achievement? I think this is could be a very common interview question yet many of us find difficulties in answering this question. That could be because you have way too many achievements to the point that you have no idea which one should you choose as your greatest. It could also be the other way around, you think that you are a mediocre person to the point that you feel that you have no achievement at all. Or you might share the same confusion with me, you can't really classify which one is achievement and which one is not.

A couple of weeks ago, I decided to take some leap of faith to run for the president of Indonesian community in NTU (PINTU) and (not) very surprisingly I was elected as there was no other candidate. Everyone started to congratulate me but in an instant I felt that I didn't deserve all the applause. Why? Because I have not really achieved anything. The moment I started to work as the president, I realized that I have so many responsibilities, and hey, I shouldn't be "that" happy. But I am also glad, I finally became who I wanted to be. So is this achievement? Probably not yet. Unless I have finished my term with most of my member feeling grateful and learning something from PINTU. Just hope that it will turn well :)

I genuinely believe that this is an achievement.